i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
