She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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