Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
