If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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