Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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