She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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