I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
