"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
