soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
