just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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