i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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