Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
