so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
