last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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