The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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