Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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