We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
