new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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