How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
