Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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