Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
