just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
