it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
