Do you still have your period?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
