Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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