im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
