1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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