even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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