John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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