A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God, you're like boner-b-gone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
