So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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