Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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