4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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