I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
