Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
