Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
