from now on my penis is your penis
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
