i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
