i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my being single is dangerous.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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