the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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