I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize