Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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