To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
