Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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