i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How does it feel to date your dad?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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