Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
