Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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