I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
