If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize