dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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