U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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