Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
