Im at strip club and am horny
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
