can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
