Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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