He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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