You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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