You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
