even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
