just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
