Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
