So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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