So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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