I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
