Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
