That's when you crack a 10am beer
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
