Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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