we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
