I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
