hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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