Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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