Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
