Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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