i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
