i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
