Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
