just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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