it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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