Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
