I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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