Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
