If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
