If i come over, it means nothing
so explain again why im purple
no
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
